im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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