I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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