i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
