my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
