He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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