I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You ruined the universe
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
