Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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