We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
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The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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