I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You made out with two different species that night
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
is it fun? or sober?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
