sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
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