so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize