And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
