How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
