? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.