y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
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She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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