can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I need a burrito and a hug.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.