Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
