He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.