Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm really into asian looking animals
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
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I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
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I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life