To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
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