i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been