My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since