do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
