why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
organizing the empties. That sober.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
