Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he's gonorrhea incarnate
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
All I want is dick and wine.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
