i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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