How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
