I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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