I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
