Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
