How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
