Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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