I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
