He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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