That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
