if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
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The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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