my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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