I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
