You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
