one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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