What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm too high and old for this...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
