considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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