I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
