why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
