You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
