Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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