he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
