I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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