Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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