I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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