I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
