dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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