i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
