"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
