I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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