If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
