So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
