so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
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He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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