I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
