It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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