Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
