I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
