I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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