I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
