So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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