I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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