I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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