There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
