Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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