someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
