11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
