Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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