dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
