Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
