i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Houston, we have a blender
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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