I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My ass is underappreciated
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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