He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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